A bed of roses, candles, pain-free, blissful sex. However, we all know this is not the case. At the tender age of 16, (hey, at least I was sober) I lost it to my current boyfriend whose most romantic line of the night was "I'll try to make this quick." The romance continued when, after being sufficiently doused with chocolate whipped cream, he proceeded to steal one of his father's condoms, and kept the television on- which was blasting 'Hannibal' in the background. Needless to say, it was every girl's dream.
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